Perceptions

There's something that really bothers me about being single. Well there are a few things and maybe this thing isn't actually inherent to the state of being single. Maybe this is just me and my tendency to be overanalytical and curious. Maybe I'm just reaching new heights of desperation.

Anyhoo, back to what's bothering me. I'm not even sure how to explain it. I find that when I meet a man who is single and remotely attractive and nice, I feel compelled to figure out what if I have any feelings for them. It's ridiculous. I have to know if I "like" them or not and I can't just let them be some random person that I've met. Now to be fair, I tend to do this with anyone that I'm around to some extent. I spend way to much time observing and analysing and basically making up stories about people. I can't help it, that's my art really. But this is different. This is feeling like I need to find a connection no matter how tenuous, because I'm lonely and I need to feel better about myself and I just don't like it. It makes me feel creepy and pathetic.

The worst part is that it makes me doubt my feelings. I live by my feelings and I feel like my judgement is clouded. I mean I know I probably geniuinely like someone but am I trying to create fireworks where there may not be any?

It's all so confusing and annoying. I hate feeling like I'm on the make all the time.
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