Latest photos

Ok now that I've whined about my boring life some more, here's some of the latest shots I've taken!  These are from Disneyland and one shot of my first set design!

It's cloudy again, and I'm really ready for warm sparkling Spring to be here.  Feeling very cooped up and I need some adventure. 

The show has opened!  I survived!  Barely.  Still have to work in the new actor and go through that transition, but at least I have some down time now.  So now what to do with that down time?  Today I'm trying to convince myself that it's ok to just lay low and relax, but there's so much to be done.  I know that my body needs the rest.  I joined the gym and I so desperately want to lose the weight that I feel like I shouldn't ever be resting although I know that's not valid.  So here I am.

More change is coming, I set the wheel in motion for a major life change yesterday, I'll discuss more when it's been made public knowledge, but will be a huge relief.  I've got to keep pushing forward, kids. 

Spring, I need you!!

Life returns...

Even in the darkest of days, and I'm not fool enough to think that these are even close to being the darkest, there is a glimmer of light, a respite, and today was such a day.  I have been reminded that I am not yet dead and that spring is very near and there are still new experiences to be had.

In spite of all the non-stop drama, I took the day off from the theatre today and went with Jami to the Irish Fair in Pomona.  It's a small festival, not very exciting, but we met up with Bob who introduced us to Ken O'Malley and the Twilight Lords, an extremely talented Irish band.  The lead man is obviously Ken O'Malley, and as we sat down and I listened to him sing, I was transfixed.  An Irishman, from Dublin, and I had goosebumps as he sang Irish rebellion song and love songs and songs of longing for the homeland.  Irish music reaches my heart like hardly anything else can and he nearly brought me to tears in the middle of the LA Fairgrounds.  All my worries forgotten as I fell in love.  A feeling I haven't had in months, and was beginning to fear I never would again.  An older gentleman, but what matters that?  How I long to be with a musician again.  To share a life and listen to them play and sing to me alone.  Silly I know, but it is a pretty picture. In a fit of foolishness, I confess I found him on Facebook and sent him a message just saying that I enjoyed the show.  It would be lovely to get a response, but I certainly mustn't expect one.  But wouldn't anyone like to get a random complementing email out of the blue?  Just enjoy the lovely day and be better tomorrow, that's what matters.

Just good to know I'm still capable of feeling irrational hope and happiness.

A beautiful day.

March 6, 2011

Life on the roller coaster. Rehearsals are coming along.  Two weeks in and I'm finally relaxing enough to actual feel creative about it and I think that's mainly me feeding off of the actors' creativity.  I could really use some designers but it's not looking too good at this point.  I'm working on the set design myself, Anthony's going to do my sound which is cool and I desperately need a lighting designer.  Just feel like too many bridges have been burned in the last few months.  You go into these things thinking you're going to find a support system, people will help.  And there are your friends who always do, and I'm eternally grateful for them.  Then there are some that you realize you shouldn't count on as much as you had hoped to.  And fair enough, I really don't want people to do anything out of sheer obligation.  It just makes me a little sad. It's a very lonely feeling.

I don't know what's going on lately.  I feel very isolated.  Alienated, that's the word.  I no longer belong anywhere.  Invisible.

As I work on As You Like It, I fall more and more in love with Arden.  I approached this show with the idea that it is Eden and what would be my idea of paradise, and now I just wish I could make it real and disappear there myself.  A forest, peopled with artists and lovers, each just doing their own thing and living together, if not in harmony that would be boring, but at least peaceably.  Why can't people work together without pissing on each other constantly and bickering and competing?  Why do people have to be so mean?  I sound like such a hippie right now, but seriously? The theatre was supposed to be where I went to get away from the bullshit of work.  A creative safe zone.  Now it just seems like everywhere I go, I'm just in the middle of everyone's battling egos and I'm just supposed to take it all.  It's impossible to create in this environment. 

Yeah, sorry for the super depressing post, it wasn't what I started out to write this morning, but it's what came out.  Everything just seems difficult right now.  And trite and completely uninspired.  Fucking depression, it's evil.  Just gotta ride it out.  Changes must be made.

All that being said, and in spite of all the bad juju I feel, I think the show's going to be good.  It's starting to gel and we're finding the humor and I hope that my cast is happy and having fun with it.  Everyone knows that I love Shakespeare and will do any of his shows, but I didn't start out with the knowledge & love of As You Like It as I did with Midsummer and that scared me a little.  But I'm starting to love these characters as much as I do Puck and the others.  No matter how low I am, I have to trust the magic and know it will be ok.  It's a mystery. :)

Sunday morning and the sun's starting to come out.  Spring is so close, only a couple of weeks away and things will look up. Would they notice, do you think, if I just ran away to Arden?