Fat

So I went in for my physical today. I have a new doctor since my insurance changed at the beginning of the year, and I finally decided to speak up and ask what I can do about my weight. I've gained 9 lbs this year already and it just keeps going. It wasn't a pretty consultation. I have a really hard time talking about how hard this is for me. I hate my body. I mean loathe it. I'm probably more disgusted by my physical appearance than anyone else is. See I don't think about my body as me. It's this traitorous vessel that I've been stuck with and I'm essentially disconnected from it. It's the thing that prevents me from truly being able to enjoy anything, especially food. I love food. It's one of the few sources of pure pleasure that I have left and basically I was told today that my only hope of not continuing on as a hideous troll is to give that up as well. It's devastating to think about. I don't know how to find the balance here. Apparently exercise, while important,doesn't do much of anything to help with the weight loss. So yeah. I'm gonna take baby steps here, but it's time to get serious. I guess I start with the carbs. She says I don't have to eat veggies, I can eat fruits. And salads. Soups. Keep cooking at home. And just start paying attention. I have to get a scale and keep track of calories. Maybe just being aware of what I'm doing is a good place to start. I don't know, this is feeling really impossible today. Oh and I'm on a new anti-anxiety medicine. I'm not very happy about that either, but if it helps I guess it's worth it. If it doesn't, I at least feel like I can work with this doctor. She means well. She doesn't really get it, but she does mean well. 1 lb a week. It sounds like it should be so easy...