New Year New You

Ha! Yes there is implied sarcasm in the title of this blog.

So you might have noticed that I have changed the title of my blog. I had decided that the previous one sounded like I was going to write something really profound in this space and quite frankly it had begun to intimidate me. I blame it for my failure to write. It was a lie, I much more prefer the truth of this heading. I was going to go with "Confessions of a Spinster Cat Lady" but that just looked too pathetic and I knew that Jami would yell at me.

So here it is, Sunday morning again and I have wasted my morning so far being completely lazy. Really, there's laundry and grocery shopping and cleaning to be done, but I just can't bring myself to get started. And it's not like I've done anything all week. I am being held captive by my tv. It calls to me. Just turn me on, and everything will be ok... no just watch the same shows over and over again... really, we're your friends. Sigh. I do love my tv.

It's January and it's cold and my bed is so comfy.

I did audition for a show yesterday, for the first time in almost a year. Callbacks are tonight at 8pm (wtf?) and I did get called back so maybe if I get cast, that will liven things up a bit. I got a pedicure & bought some clothes. And then it was Hawaiian BBQ and tv the rest of the night. I really need to stop with the Hawaiian BBQ too, I eat it constantly.

I should be exercising too, but again, glued to the bed. Surprisingly enough, I have started doing Zumba, which I'm actually enjoying. It's hard and I always get a headache afterwards, but I feel good about it. I miss dancing. I miss my body being able to move and being flexible. If i don't get cast in this show, maybe I'll sign up for something else, maybe a yoga class somewhere.

I'm just afraid that I've turned into my ex-mother-in-law, who never dated anyone after her husband bailed on her and she had no friends, and filled up her time watching her soaps and taking exercise classes that didn't help her at all and eating and doing crafts from Michael's. I do a lot of those things and I swore I wasn't going to let that happen to me.

I miss the vibrant theatre life that I was leading. It's been almost 10 years since I joined my troupe and everything has changed since then. So many friendships broken, so many people gone on to other things. I just tried to do my best but somehow it got lost along the way and now I don't know where to go. It's not that I don't have good things and people now, I do. It's just that the passion isn't there, the spark, the connections, the fun. The spontaneity. I dunno, I feel like I grew up and it sucks as much as I thought it would. It's mundane.

So that's where I am today. Maybe I need something to work towards. Maybe I've achieved what there is to be achieved in OC theatre so what now? I've acted, directed, run a theatre, and there's really nothing to show for all that. I still feel as invisible as ever. It's really frustrating.

God, I'm bored.