It's back! And I've gathered some good ones this time.
- Mourning doves
- Miss Marple
- Benecio del Toro is directing "Pinocchio"
- Cousin Matthew
- Summer mornings
- Summer evenings
- People who are just happy that I'm there
- Ranier cherries
- Bobcat Goldthwait on "Wait, wait..."
- Station to Station
- New Project Runway!
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Goodby Mr. Bradbury
I am not a reader of science fiction, but there are some writers who transcend genres. I think that my first introduction to Ray Bradbury was "Something Wicked This Way Comes", the Disney movie mind you, not even the book. But God I loved that movie. I, of course, read and loved "Farenheit 451" in high school and for the first time I realized that science fiction didn't all have to be about space and aliens. My first glimpse into a dystopian future and the worst possible future it could be. One without books, my one salvation. A book where I positively knew that I really would be a rebel if I lived in that world. I would have secret rooms built to protect my literature, my life. A book that showed me how precious knowledge was. There have been numerous short stories, in numerous anthologies that I have read, and always, no matter how fantastical the material, it is the humanity of his writing that I feel connected to. This poetic, loving, understanding of people.
For me though, my favorite Bradbury is "The Halloween Tree". My father bought me this book when I was probably around 11 or 12 maybe, and it was incredible. It's more a children's book, about a group of trick or treaters who meet a mysterious stranger at the haunted house at the end of town and chase their ailing friend's soul through the ages and the autumnal celebrations of death. The way he wrote about October and Halloween and autumn, spelled out on paper feeligs that I could never have put words to, and it was like finding a secret colony that spoke a language that I understood. It was just beautiful and it's one of those books that I read every year usually. It was one of those books that made me my own person.
So tonight, on the eve of Mr. Bradbury's passing, I honor him by turning off the tv, going to my local bookstore and finally reading "Something Wicked This Way Comes" and I can already feel his gorgeous autumnal world welcoming me with open arms.
For me though, my favorite Bradbury is "The Halloween Tree". My father bought me this book when I was probably around 11 or 12 maybe, and it was incredible. It's more a children's book, about a group of trick or treaters who meet a mysterious stranger at the haunted house at the end of town and chase their ailing friend's soul through the ages and the autumnal celebrations of death. The way he wrote about October and Halloween and autumn, spelled out on paper feeligs that I could never have put words to, and it was like finding a secret colony that spoke a language that I understood. It was just beautiful and it's one of those books that I read every year usually. It was one of those books that made me my own person.
So tonight, on the eve of Mr. Bradbury's passing, I honor him by turning off the tv, going to my local bookstore and finally reading "Something Wicked This Way Comes" and I can already feel his gorgeous autumnal world welcoming me with open arms.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
A PINCH OF SALT
When a dream is born in you
With a sudden clamorous pain,
When you know the dream is true
And lovely, with no flaw nor stain,
O then, be careful, or with sudden clutch
You'll hurt the delicate thing you prize so much.
Dreams are like a bird that mocks,
Flirting the feathers of his tail.
When you seize at the salt-box
Over the hedge you'll see him sail.
Old birds are neither caught with salt nor chaff:
They watch you from the apple bough and laugh.
Poet, never chase the dream.
Laugh yourself and turn away.
Mask your hunger, let it seem
Small matter if he come or stay;
But when he nestles in your hand at last,
Close up your fingers tight and hold him fast.
- Robert Graves
With a sudden clamorous pain,
When you know the dream is true
And lovely, with no flaw nor stain,
O then, be careful, or with sudden clutch
You'll hurt the delicate thing you prize so much.
Dreams are like a bird that mocks,
Flirting the feathers of his tail.
When you seize at the salt-box
Over the hedge you'll see him sail.
Old birds are neither caught with salt nor chaff:
They watch you from the apple bough and laugh.
Poet, never chase the dream.
Laugh yourself and turn away.
Mask your hunger, let it seem
Small matter if he come or stay;
But when he nestles in your hand at last,
Close up your fingers tight and hold him fast.
- Robert Graves
Sunday, April 8, 2012
American Idiot
When I bought my first Green Day album "Dookie" I hid it from my friends because they weren't considered true punk rock. Too pop, too mainstream, I mean come on it actually got radio play. Totally not cool enough. But I was hooked on "Basket Case". As much as I loved the anger and the angst and the frustration of the real thing, let's face it, but the time I got to it, it was already 10-15 years old and these boys were my peers. And their songs were seriously hitting the mark. They got the ennui, the frustration, the boredom, the sheer hopelessness, but they did it with humor too. They got that us suburban punks were pretty much as ridiculous as the shitholes that we lived in and it was just as much about us as it was about the society that made us. And Christ, Billie Joe was beautiful!
I went on to buy an earlier of album of theirs next, "1039 Smoothed Out Slappy Hours", which I thought was more legit as it was on an independent punk label from up north and made before anyone knew who they were, and thus the obsession grew. Because see, what people don't really get, is that a lot of their songs are about love. I tapped in to this romaticism I found in Billie's lyrics. I am the queen of the unrequited love affair and was living a life of driving by guys houses at this time of my life, just damn near exploding at all times with my need and my love and my dreams of a true love that would get me out of my miserable home. And Billie Joe seemed to know exactly how I felt. He became a pretty consistent companion in my rounds.
Over the years they stayed with me off and on, always a fan but you know life goes on. When American Idiot came out, it was like re-discovering them all over again. This album was big, it was loud and the lyrics still seemed to express my feelings in a way no one else, least of all me, was able to. Not only that, but my boys, my little punks had made a concept album, a rock opera. Now I cut my teeth on Tommy by The Who and I love concept albums, but here was one written for me, about my time and my world, not something that was already legendary before I was born. I'm not saying it's in the same league as Tommy, I don't claim that, and I'm not saying that Green Day will take their place next to the gods of rock n roll by any stretch of the imagination. It's just the intimacy of it. This one was mine.
This week, I very luckily was invited to go see the musical that was made from American Idiot. When they announced that they were doing this musical and it was going to Broadway, that old punk in me that hid that first album was screaming loud and clear. WTF?! A fucking musical! Man, how much more of a fucking sell out could they be? But I still wanted to see it even if I acted like I didn't. So when my friend emailed me that she had tickets to see it in LA, I jumped at it. We took off work early, ate an amazing meal in some chichi restaurant and settled in to our amazing center stage orchestra seats. And it rocked. The three guys that the story revolved around seriously could have been any of the guys I ran with in high school. It's so weird to have what you thought was your subversive little pathetic world played out on stage before you. The music was not diluted or censored, the choreography was edgy and raucous and rough. Yeah there was some shit that I was like "um, no" about. But for the most part, I loved it and best of all it brought me back to my boys again. And dude, the lead guy was hot! I might have to go see it again when it comes to the center.
OMG, I love you Billie Joe!!!!
I went on to buy an earlier of album of theirs next, "1039 Smoothed Out Slappy Hours", which I thought was more legit as it was on an independent punk label from up north and made before anyone knew who they were, and thus the obsession grew. Because see, what people don't really get, is that a lot of their songs are about love. I tapped in to this romaticism I found in Billie's lyrics. I am the queen of the unrequited love affair and was living a life of driving by guys houses at this time of my life, just damn near exploding at all times with my need and my love and my dreams of a true love that would get me out of my miserable home. And Billie Joe seemed to know exactly how I felt. He became a pretty consistent companion in my rounds.
Over the years they stayed with me off and on, always a fan but you know life goes on. When American Idiot came out, it was like re-discovering them all over again. This album was big, it was loud and the lyrics still seemed to express my feelings in a way no one else, least of all me, was able to. Not only that, but my boys, my little punks had made a concept album, a rock opera. Now I cut my teeth on Tommy by The Who and I love concept albums, but here was one written for me, about my time and my world, not something that was already legendary before I was born. I'm not saying it's in the same league as Tommy, I don't claim that, and I'm not saying that Green Day will take their place next to the gods of rock n roll by any stretch of the imagination. It's just the intimacy of it. This one was mine.
This week, I very luckily was invited to go see the musical that was made from American Idiot. When they announced that they were doing this musical and it was going to Broadway, that old punk in me that hid that first album was screaming loud and clear. WTF?! A fucking musical! Man, how much more of a fucking sell out could they be? But I still wanted to see it even if I acted like I didn't. So when my friend emailed me that she had tickets to see it in LA, I jumped at it. We took off work early, ate an amazing meal in some chichi restaurant and settled in to our amazing center stage orchestra seats. And it rocked. The three guys that the story revolved around seriously could have been any of the guys I ran with in high school. It's so weird to have what you thought was your subversive little pathetic world played out on stage before you. The music was not diluted or censored, the choreography was edgy and raucous and rough. Yeah there was some shit that I was like "um, no" about. But for the most part, I loved it and best of all it brought me back to my boys again. And dude, the lead guy was hot! I might have to go see it again when it comes to the center.
OMG, I love you Billie Joe!!!!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
1/24/12
So good news, the apartment people fixed my sink!
Bad news, I have to wait until my contract is up in May to get my iPhone. The one I've been jonesing for for months. Blerg.
Good news, I lost a pound! What?! A whole pound! Damn girl, how did you accomplish such a feat? Ok, yeah, fuck off, it's a small victory, but seriously my scale has said the exact same weight for a fucking month now so when it was a pound less this morning, it was a pretty good start to the day. And when you think about it, a pound is actually a pretty decent chunk of fat. I mean, go to the store and pick up a pound of lard and tell me that's not something. So there. Oh and I walked for 30 minutes, had yummy Chipotle and got the bowl, not the burrito and just did 40 situps and 20 pushups (wall pushups) Boo-yah!
On the drive into work this morning there were 2 cop cars parked on either side of the rural 2 lane highway that I drive everyday. Well one cop car and maybe a ranger or marshall or something. No sign of the cops themselves. This weirds me out way more than seeing a major accident or somehting because I'm generally convinced that they're off in the bushes looking at some half eaten corpse that was dumped there a month ago. Yes I watch a lot of CSI but seriously what else could they be doing there?
This concludes tonight's stream of conscious ramblings.
Welcome to confessions.
Bad news, I have to wait until my contract is up in May to get my iPhone. The one I've been jonesing for for months. Blerg.
Good news, I lost a pound! What?! A whole pound! Damn girl, how did you accomplish such a feat? Ok, yeah, fuck off, it's a small victory, but seriously my scale has said the exact same weight for a fucking month now so when it was a pound less this morning, it was a pretty good start to the day. And when you think about it, a pound is actually a pretty decent chunk of fat. I mean, go to the store and pick up a pound of lard and tell me that's not something. So there. Oh and I walked for 30 minutes, had yummy Chipotle and got the bowl, not the burrito and just did 40 situps and 20 pushups (wall pushups) Boo-yah!
On the drive into work this morning there were 2 cop cars parked on either side of the rural 2 lane highway that I drive everyday. Well one cop car and maybe a ranger or marshall or something. No sign of the cops themselves. This weirds me out way more than seeing a major accident or somehting because I'm generally convinced that they're off in the bushes looking at some half eaten corpse that was dumped there a month ago. Yes I watch a lot of CSI but seriously what else could they be doing there?
This concludes tonight's stream of conscious ramblings.
Welcome to confessions.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
New Year New You
Ha! Yes there is implied sarcasm in the title of this blog.
So you might have noticed that I have changed the title of my blog. I had decided that the previous one sounded like I was going to write something really profound in this space and quite frankly it had begun to intimidate me. I blame it for my failure to write. It was a lie, I much more prefer the truth of this heading. I was going to go with "Confessions of a Spinster Cat Lady" but that just looked too pathetic and I knew that Jami would yell at me.
So here it is, Sunday morning again and I have wasted my morning so far being completely lazy. Really, there's laundry and grocery shopping and cleaning to be done, but I just can't bring myself to get started. And it's not like I've done anything all week. I am being held captive by my tv. It calls to me. Just turn me on, and everything will be ok... no just watch the same shows over and over again... really, we're your friends. Sigh. I do love my tv.
It's January and it's cold and my bed is so comfy.
I did audition for a show yesterday, for the first time in almost a year. Callbacks are tonight at 8pm (wtf?) and I did get called back so maybe if I get cast, that will liven things up a bit. I got a pedicure & bought some clothes. And then it was Hawaiian BBQ and tv the rest of the night. I really need to stop with the Hawaiian BBQ too, I eat it constantly.
I should be exercising too, but again, glued to the bed. Surprisingly enough, I have started doing Zumba, which I'm actually enjoying. It's hard and I always get a headache afterwards, but I feel good about it. I miss dancing. I miss my body being able to move and being flexible. If i don't get cast in this show, maybe I'll sign up for something else, maybe a yoga class somewhere.
I'm just afraid that I've turned into my ex-mother-in-law, who never dated anyone after her husband bailed on her and she had no friends, and filled up her time watching her soaps and taking exercise classes that didn't help her at all and eating and doing crafts from Michael's. I do a lot of those things and I swore I wasn't going to let that happen to me.
I miss the vibrant theatre life that I was leading. It's been almost 10 years since I joined my troupe and everything has changed since then. So many friendships broken, so many people gone on to other things. I just tried to do my best but somehow it got lost along the way and now I don't know where to go. It's not that I don't have good things and people now, I do. It's just that the passion isn't there, the spark, the connections, the fun. The spontaneity. I dunno, I feel like I grew up and it sucks as much as I thought it would. It's mundane.
So that's where I am today. Maybe I need something to work towards. Maybe I've achieved what there is to be achieved in OC theatre so what now? I've acted, directed, run a theatre, and there's really nothing to show for all that. I still feel as invisible as ever. It's really frustrating.
God, I'm bored.
So you might have noticed that I have changed the title of my blog. I had decided that the previous one sounded like I was going to write something really profound in this space and quite frankly it had begun to intimidate me. I blame it for my failure to write. It was a lie, I much more prefer the truth of this heading. I was going to go with "Confessions of a Spinster Cat Lady" but that just looked too pathetic and I knew that Jami would yell at me.
So here it is, Sunday morning again and I have wasted my morning so far being completely lazy. Really, there's laundry and grocery shopping and cleaning to be done, but I just can't bring myself to get started. And it's not like I've done anything all week. I am being held captive by my tv. It calls to me. Just turn me on, and everything will be ok... no just watch the same shows over and over again... really, we're your friends. Sigh. I do love my tv.
It's January and it's cold and my bed is so comfy.
I did audition for a show yesterday, for the first time in almost a year. Callbacks are tonight at 8pm (wtf?) and I did get called back so maybe if I get cast, that will liven things up a bit. I got a pedicure & bought some clothes. And then it was Hawaiian BBQ and tv the rest of the night. I really need to stop with the Hawaiian BBQ too, I eat it constantly.
I should be exercising too, but again, glued to the bed. Surprisingly enough, I have started doing Zumba, which I'm actually enjoying. It's hard and I always get a headache afterwards, but I feel good about it. I miss dancing. I miss my body being able to move and being flexible. If i don't get cast in this show, maybe I'll sign up for something else, maybe a yoga class somewhere.
I'm just afraid that I've turned into my ex-mother-in-law, who never dated anyone after her husband bailed on her and she had no friends, and filled up her time watching her soaps and taking exercise classes that didn't help her at all and eating and doing crafts from Michael's. I do a lot of those things and I swore I wasn't going to let that happen to me.
I miss the vibrant theatre life that I was leading. It's been almost 10 years since I joined my troupe and everything has changed since then. So many friendships broken, so many people gone on to other things. I just tried to do my best but somehow it got lost along the way and now I don't know where to go. It's not that I don't have good things and people now, I do. It's just that the passion isn't there, the spark, the connections, the fun. The spontaneity. I dunno, I feel like I grew up and it sucks as much as I thought it would. It's mundane.
So that's where I am today. Maybe I need something to work towards. Maybe I've achieved what there is to be achieved in OC theatre so what now? I've acted, directed, run a theatre, and there's really nothing to show for all that. I still feel as invisible as ever. It's really frustrating.
God, I'm bored.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Fat
So I went in for my physical today. I have a new doctor since my insurance changed at the beginning of the year, and I finally decided to speak up and ask what I can do about my weight. I've gained 9 lbs this year already and it just keeps going. It wasn't a pretty consultation. I have a really hard time talking about how hard this is for me. I hate my body. I mean loathe it. I'm probably more disgusted by my physical appearance than anyone else is. See I don't think about my body as me. It's this traitorous vessel that I've been stuck with and I'm essentially disconnected from it. It's the thing that prevents me from truly being able to enjoy anything, especially food. I love food. It's one of the few sources of pure pleasure that I have left and basically I was told today that my only hope of not continuing on as a hideous troll is to give that up as well. It's devastating to think about. I don't know how to find the balance here. Apparently exercise, while important,doesn't do much of anything to help with the weight loss. So yeah. I'm gonna take baby steps here, but it's time to get serious. I guess I start with the carbs. She says I don't have to eat veggies, I can eat fruits. And salads. Soups. Keep cooking at home. And just start paying attention. I have to get a scale and keep track of calories. Maybe just being aware of what I'm doing is a good place to start. I don't know, this is feeling really impossible today.
Oh and I'm on a new anti-anxiety medicine. I'm not very happy about that either, but if it helps I guess it's worth it. If it doesn't, I at least feel like I can work with this doctor. She means well. She doesn't really get it, but she does mean well.
1 lb a week. It sounds like it should be so easy...
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